Don't let your fear of being alone stop you from doing things
an essay on the gift of solo travel
“For all its material advantages, the sedentary life has left us edgy, unfulfilled. Even after 400 generations in villages and cities, we haven’t forgotten. The open road still softly calls, like a nearly forgotten song of childhood. We invest far-off places with a certain romance. This appeal, I suspect, has been meticulously crafted by natural selection as an essential element in our survival.”―Carl Sagan,Pale Blue Dot: A Vision of the Human Future in Space
When I tell the general public that I enjoy going on trips alone, the reaction is usually pretty predictable- “why?”, “I could never do that”, “you have no one to go with?” “don’t you get lonely?”. I’m sure from the outside looking in, the concerns are valid. In life, having a community of people you love and trust is extremely important, and I never want to negate that while writing this essay. But it’s truly shocking to me sometimes how often people stop themselves from doing things they desire, just because of their fear of being alone. I do not say this in a judgmental way at all, but this piece is being written for the people who may be scared, but just need a bit of a push and encouragement- because truly, I think it’s a gift to have the opportunity to travel and experiences new things on your own.
Now, solo travel can be incredibly daunting. Obviously, the conversation of safety (especially as a woman!!!) comes to mind immediately, which I will touch on at the end of this post. But just for now, I’d love to delve into the incredible experiences I’ve had during my solo travels where I could just… be. As an individual.
It has pushed me out of my boundaries, forced me to face a lot of solitary moments, made me reflect on harsh truths about myself, experience days and nights filled with the conversations of those around me, barely a world slipping out of my mouth some days. I learn to appreciate the quick exchange I had with the man at the artisanal sandwich shop in Amsterdam, who told me my choice of a goat cheese baguette was his favorite as well. The encounter I had with the young family at the restaurant I sat in drinking a glass of wine on my first day of travels, when they heard my accent and asked where I was visiting from. You really learn to appreciate the mundane moments, the encounters you may overlook in your day-to-day life- but when you’re alone, those conversations stick with you. Something I always remind myself of is- You never know who you’re going to meet tomorrow that can change your life.
There’s this innate confidence that comes alongside traveling by yourself that many may not think about- you are on your own time, making every single decision. Though I tend to be extremely type A and a big planner, one of the best parts about being alone is you can change your plans without the thoughts or opinions of others. Some of my favorite experiences have been a result of aimlessly wandering around a city and stumbling upon museums or stores that I had no idea existed, and letting myself feel free in the process.
If you’re someone who finds a week alone in a foreign country too far of a leap for you- I totally understand. It’s good to start small- just last weekend, I had the loveliest solo Sunday in the Hudson Valley visiting some gardens and museums. I spent my day wandering around the Magazzino Italian Art museum in Cold Spring (which I so highly recommend if you’re visiting the area), and some quiet journaling and meditation time at Innisfree Garden in Millbrook.
Even just one day alone forces you to move past the anxieties that may be stopping you from doing more- it really is not that daunting to sit at a restaurant alone and eat dinner. I usually opt for the bar seat, which feels more casual, and I bring a good book to read alongside my meal (it’s just not fun to sit on your phone at a restaurant by yourself). The biggest truth about life is no one is thinking about you nearly as much as you think. Can you remember the last time you saw someone eating alone at a table? Probably not, because I am sure you were thinking about what you’re going to order off the menu, or does my outfit look cool, or almost anything else. It may seem so intimidating but it’s a great step in learning to be comfortable with just your own company.
By forcing yourself to disrupt your natural routines in life, it leaves you open to experiencing a sense of wonder and curiosity on your trips. Awe is one of the most incredible and overwhelming feelings you can encounter, leaving you yearning for more and holding a sense of connectedness to the world around you. When I return home from my travels, I feel this immense sense of gratitude for the life I do get to live, and how amazing it is to be a human that is excited to learn and see new things.
On my week long trip to Amsterdam earlier this year, I brought along my Off the Grid journal from No Particular Order. It’s a very thoughtfully put together prompt journal made by Margot Lee (truly the queen of journaling in my eyes) dedicated to traveling. The journal features questions like:
Five off the beaten path things or places you’ve discovered
Describe what the locals are wearing
A poem/song/letter/work of art that reminds you of this trip
You all know I love doing my daily journaling, but having specific prompts like this, especially while traveling solo, makes you particularly observant of the world around you. An integral part of traveling alone is your ability to truly people watch. When you have a travel partner, you tend to live in your own bubble with them- but when faced with being alone, you pick up on certain cues, ways people express themselves, maybe certain words in a foreign language that are used often, how the lifestyles of the locals is so different from your own, and maybe ways you want to implement that into your own life.
I always love taking a sneaky photo of the great outfits I see along my travels. It’s a great way to digest what people from other countries and lifestyles wear, specifically in very walkable cities like Amsterdam. I love noting what people gravitate towards wearing for shoes and outerwear knowing they may be walking or biking for miles on end. Experiencing these quite mundane things while traveling alone really gives you the time and space to absorb the information and ask yourself questions- in the meantime practicing your own form of self discovery. Why do you gravitate towards certain outfits? Home decor? Which restaurants you chose to go to? It’s all leading you on a path to knowing more about yourself in that current moment.
You all know how much I love talking about gaining new perspectives in the pursuit of reigniting your creative energy- and for me, traveling solo has been a huge part of my growth as an artist and maker over the years. After my trip to Amsterdam, I wrote an essay about how your “trending color palette” is not dictated by whatever tiktok or article you read, it’s actually all around you, if you just open your eyes and look.
Your Spring Color Palette is All Around You
I remember when I took art history in college for a few semesters it always stuck out how often we spoke to color palettes and pigments found within each piece. The extensive history of the paint colors we find so accessible today, meanwhile for centuries it was grueling and often a costly process to produce certain hues. When I was in Amsterdam this pa…
If there a place you have longed to visit but you stop yourself because of the fear of being alone- I encourage you to step out of your comfort zone. I feel so thankful that I’ve gotten to experience these really beautiful places and learn so many new things because I didn’t wait around for someone to agree to come along with me. If I had waited for a friend to join me, I feel I would be waiting around forever.
With all of this being said, it is absolutely a privilege to be able to travel solo. Unfortunately, with the realities of life, you can never be too naive to the dangers around you. Just some tips for safety: when traveling solo, I always splurge a little more on housing. Whether that’s a nicer hotel in a busier area, or an airbnb that may be a little pricier but has safety precautions that ease my anxieties, I feel it’s worth it to ensure I feel safe on my trips. When traveling domestically, I usually bring my pepper spray or swiss army knife along for added protection, and I always share my location with friends and family as well as keeping them updated on my whereabouts. It’s important to stay aware and vigilant, knowing the emergency phone numbers of the country you’re in, staying in areas that are more populated (for the most part), and having a portable charger on you at all times. I have also found that if traveling to a country where they do not speak your native language, it’s good to memorize a few words in their language in case of needing some sort of assistance. I also go out of my way to not share (especially to men), that I am traveling alone.
If I can leave you with one last thing, do not let your fear of being alone stop you from doing the things you want to do. I truly feel it can only leave you with regrets in life.
Thank you all for being here and for reading- my hopes are that at least one person reads this and maybe books a weekend trip by themselves in a place they’ve always wanted to see. As always, please leave a comment if you have any thoughts or advice on solo travel, or send me a dm on instagram (I love chatting!!!).
-Izabela